• April 1, 2016

GotmilkIf Donald Trump is elected, if he declares martial law, and if his hand-picked advisers elect him as Supreme Commander, we might finally have someone in power who can,with the swipe of pen (or scimitar), get things done. Until then, it seems we might be sentenced to gridlock for life with our politicians who while away the hours “deliberating,” “negotiating,” and “trying to reach consensus.” Good luck with that, right? They might as well try to bridge the Pacific.

I, for one, will welcome our new stubby-fingered vulgarian overlord because there are so many things wrong in our society that we cannot seem to muster the collective will to address.

I am, naturally, specifically referring to “flavored straws.”

Straws are not supposed to be flavored anymore than sporks or napkins are. It is just wrong. Someone should put a stop to flavored straws. We all know it. We’re just in a state of paralysis in Washington and throughout the country on pressing issues like this.

Alas, for now, we have to back-burner the cure for this culinary disaster. Putting aside a federal law banning flavored straws, one has to wonder: if a flavored straw company were in a dispute with the trademark owner of “got milk?®” over the use of that trademarked term, would liability be covered under the straw company’s personal injury/advertising injury insurance coverage?


Although the lawsuit against the insured, Food Market Merchandising, was in the nature of an “advertising injury claim,” the insurance policies at issue had exclusions for “breach of contract” claims and “knowing violation of rights of another.” Both of those exclusions applied here, U.S. District Court Judge Donovan W. Frank (D. Minn.) found this week, and so the insurance-coverage claim failed.

(There has been a dearth of notable Minnesota legal developments this week and Minnesota Litigator is reduced to flippant and arbitrary cross-references between our current lamentable political climate and a recent Minnesota district court decision. I apologize to readers who expect more from Minnesota Litigator. Got milk news? Minnesota Litigator relies on its readers for tips. What’s out there?)

(A thing that all journalists and others tasked with generating “content” on a regular schedule know (and others sometimes fail to note): some days there is simply “no news.” Journalists are reduced to stories that embarrass them, such as, “Tips for Spring Cleaning!,” “Will Hillary Clinton Make the Haj Pilgrimage This Year?” (No.), or “9 Things the Kardashians Will Never Do…” Please try to have sympathy for these hard-working writers (and for me)).

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